Week 2.

So its almost the end of the games and there has been patchy broadcast reception from my completely legal satellite hook up from Romania. So here is a wrap of the latest and not so greatest from Vancouver since I last dropped by.....

Australia cleans up the freestyle medal pool.

Where's Grant Hacket and Giaan Rooney when you need them?Luckily, these two freestylers of a SUMMER nature (read: no relevance to winter sports whatsoever) were miraculously in Vancouver. Thanks to lucrative contracts, nine had no better use for them then to send them here to justify the expense. 100/1 Bradbury doesn't interview the swimmers at London, any takers!?!

Women's Snowboard Halfpipe.

Anyway, the Aussies had a good time of it at Cypress Mountain. Starting with the unfeasibly happy at all times Torah Bright taking a goldie home for her two sweet runs in the halfpipe. She knocked over two stupidly cocky septic tanks along the way. The Americans talked up how much they were the ones to beat and called others to step up to the plate well before the competition started. Torah's coach, her brother Ben, said see you ringside in classic Aussie style. And the result? Well, careful what you wish for ladies! Torah didn't even have to bring out her secret weapon, the double cork, so dominant was her second run in the final. The others never caught her and the Canadians and Aussies present collectively had a laugh at the yanks.

Women's Freestyle Aerials.

Lydia Lassila delivered on her pre games potential today claiming gold after a hard fought battle equally with the Chinese and the frankly rubbish judging panel. Unfortunately for the Chinese though Lassila nailed both her jumps and forced the Chinese teams hand and they failed under pressure for Australia to claim its second gold in the event in 3 games. It was redemption as well as a cherry on the top for the diminutive Lassila. She excruciatingly blew out her knee in Turin 4 years back and had to fight through all sorts of hurdles to fight back this year to take out the world cup overall and now the Olympic gold. Special mention must go to the tough as teak Jacqui Cooper. In her 5th Olympics and at 37 years old she was still throwing herself off into the white abyss of knee reco's and concussions before retiring after another Olympic final. Bravo Jacqui, Played hard, done well!!!!

So......the two gold and DBS's dour faced silver now make Vancouver Australia's most successful winter games ever, not difficult when you consider we only started winning medals in 1998. But still its well awesome as it means the pom's and kiwi's can't touch us in any sporting argument. Collectively they have colder climates and better access to real mountains, but alas, still cannot deliver. Plebs!!!

Best of the rest......

Men's 10,000m long track.

The man of the moment last week, the darling of Der Nederlanden (I love saying that!) the enigmatic Sven Kramer, now has sweet and sour memories of the Olympics thanks to the Koreans, and a great reason to service his success and failure in Amsterdam's red light "service stations"

Young Kramer became funnier to laugh at than mens figure skating outfits when the man of speed managed to completely muff his race half way through his 10,000m while 3 seconds ahead of his Korean rival, and on Olympic record pace no less. Gold was in the bag and he managed to bin it by failing in one of the most rudimentary aspects of long track, you must change lanes on the back straight each lap. Kramer threw a massive tanty at the end of the race when he was informed by his coach what had happened. Sven? Mate, you only win gold when you've played hard and done good, which you clearly didn't. So pick up your bucket and spade and go away for another 4 years please.

Men's Ice Hockey.

Canada played the USA in the most eagerly anticipated game in these Olympics potentially, if one team should not make the final that is. The Canadians fielded a star studded team for the clash with a decidedly underpowered, on paper anyway, USA for opposition. The Canadians thought they smelled blood on the ice....turns out it was theirs.

One minute and thirty seconds.......

That's all that was needed for the USA to shut the crowd out of the contest. And there they stayed. Canada trailed the entire match as the American brick wall absorbed more than twice as many shots at goal than the Americans fired, to only let three shots into their pocket. The Americans were simply too good on the night, playing tough hockey up front with precise puck control to nudge 5 goals past the cannucks in a great match, even if I was in the camp of the losing team. Not even the presence of the Great One Wayne Gretzky was enough in the end for the home team. The Canadians will now likely face Russia in a match to make the final, just what they didn't want. The Canadians may win, but bet your bollocks to a barn dance the cossacks will soften them right up in the process.

Men's Giant Slalom.

Move over Alberto Tomba........What do you get when you cross Eric the eagle with Eric the eel, a Mexican hairless dog and a German Shepherd?

Enter.....Prince Hubertus von Hohenlohe-Langenburg!!!

Yes the Playboy magazine photographer, pop star and part-time German Prince also skis for Mexico. Just happens to be their sole entrant to the games too....and the Mexican ski federation founder...and its president. He is also 51 years old and competed in his first Olympics in 1984.

Fine, except he turned up at these Olympics in his grandson's fancy dress outfit.

He forgot to stuff a Royal banana down the front..........fail.

Unfortunately Prince Hubertus missed the medals......by a long way....78th in fact... but he did jump highest at the finish line to claim a pinata fashioned into a douche bag as consolation.

As long as clowns like this are allowed to gatecrash the Olympics who cares about who won the event. The IOC proclaims we should Celebrate Humanity!...ok we will.

Figure skating.

Ok look!

Something probably happened ok? That probably meant the world was going to like probably crumble from the probable disaster of a probable failure from someone like who probably should have won their second gold medal ok?

Er right....but guess what? It was a Russian who failed.

The Russians have no money to do anything anymore.....

So?

Well with that all in mind...the rest of the world could not give less of a toss than they otherwise would've if:

a) it was the women skating...

b) the skaters involved were a Canadian and an American...

c) the controversy involved an iron bar and a 3rd party, and finally....

d) it wasn't 20 odd years since the cold war ended.

You lost Plushenko....... you straight-haired-mullet-laden sook! Sell your silver medal, build a bridge out of people with the profits.... and get over it.

Dishonourable mentions......

Eddie McGuire:

- "he works on a building site you know"....on air, moments after flamboyant neither here-nor-there American figure skater Jonny Weir completed his program.

Mick Molloy:

-"they don't leave much in the locker room these boys I tell you!".....while cueing in to his short segment on the male figure skating the day after.

Eddie McGuire:

- "they don't leave much in the closet either!".....One day after Weir's program, this was McGuire's retort to an equally quizzical Mick Molloy's above comment.

Prince Hubertus von Hohenlohe-Langenburg:

-"I'm a Renaissance Prince in the snows of Canada, so please don't look at my time - just look at my styyyyle!'......Oh for f@$k's sake...do we have to?

That's all for now.

Peace out,

Wazza Frompetersham.

The Week That Was

Played Hard, Done Good! certainly picked a top week of athletic performance to make its much hyped debut.

Rugby League All Stars

Indigenous All Stars 16 def. NRL All Stars 12

The week began with the hugely hyped Rugby league All stars encounter. It had been billed as a new annual 'blockbuster', akin to a mini state of origin and pitted the best players of indigenous descent against the best players from the rest of the NRL . From where i sat, smack bang in the middle of my reasonably comfortable (and priced) ikea sofa, the match played out as less of a blockbuster and more as a glorified pre season trial. It was full of big out of breath footballers dropping balls and making sure they didn't get injured before the season actually begins; i.e. i thought the match boring. But after reading the post game reports you would think that we witnessed the single greatest sporting contest since David felled Goliath (another controversial concept). Is it just me or as a game of football was it seriously uninspiring?*

Having said that i must admit that i was swept up in the spectacle and good will of the moment. It is genuinely great to see the contribution that indigenous players make to the game of Rugby League being recognised in such a public way. For this point alone the concept should be applauded and probably kept. In particular i enjoyed the pre match performance of a group of indigenous warriors. They pointed rather large spears in the faces of the NRL All Stars while performing a traditional war dance. I tried to not smile at the thought of a spear crashing into Anthony Watmough, but i couldn't. It was just too lovely.

There was one cracking moment that came in game time (although not strictly during the game). It was Wendell Sailor's last ever try and more importantly its celebration. It was, in a word, Dell-iciuos! Farewell big Dell, Played Hard, Done Good!

*I have 'just' been informed that it was 'just' me.

NBA

For those that do not follow this fabulously elongated sporting season, each team plays roughly 7,000 games a year. This means every week there are more basketball games happening in America than time itself can handle, thus sending followers such as me into a warped abyss of game tracking and boxscore watching. It confuses and disorientates me and i love it.

So due to this impracticality i am not going to get too in depth with my weekly NBA wrap, i will leave that up to the very healthy amount of expert blogs on the intermenet. Instead i will focus on a few intersting tid bits from the preceding weeks procedings.

Most NBA ballers know a thing or two about talking themselves up. It is part of the game. You rebound, you score, you block then you tell any one who will listen how well you rebounded, scored and blocked. Of course, like the game itself, some players are better at it than others. Here is this weeks nomination for the Allen Iverson 'humble pie? Never tasted it' quote of the year.

Shaq:

"I don't really consider it manning up unless you play me straight up. When I was coming up it was Patrick Ewing and Hakeem. I never doubled anybody. You tell me who the real Superman is."

(On matching up with Dwight 'Superman' Howard) source: NBA.COM

'one thousand and one, one thousand and two...'

Kurtis J Ousley

A Winter Week

With your winter Olympic correspondent Wazza Frompetersham.

Men's Downhill.

So its finally under way.....the downhillers were let out of their kennels today and, god dang, they didn't disappoint purist alpine ski fans with plenty of offages and some amazing ski control on an increasingly choppy course. The upper slopes glazed over in some sunshine and gave (gulp) extra speed to the later starters. It only gave about .03 of a second advantage to the skiers who ran the correct temperature wax and skied the right lines, but in down hill thats a full ski length, to the rest of us mortals its daylight.
There were also a fair share of upsets as the pre-race raging hot favourite Didier Cuche was setting the fastest times in practice all week at Whistler while dominating this years season long world cup. Cuche slipped .30 of a second off only managing to slide into 6th, with compatriot 31 year old fully trained architect Didier Defago taking it out with a time of 1min54.31sec ending Switzerland's 22 year downhill drought since the great Permin Zurbriggen took out Calgary '88. It was a popular victory setting the cowbells in the crowd into a frenzy.
In second was the big man from Norway, Axsel Lund Svindal. Svindal took silver after a long time sitting on top waiting to be toppled at the end from the Swiss armada with 2 of the last three to start being from the land of chocolate, watches and diplomatic blandness. Still it means Norway, even having the great Lasse Kjus once in their stocks, have not been able to crack it for an Olympic downhill gold. Something Aussies Jono Brauer and Craig Branch can take heart in after their predictably crap times today. At least Jono didn't crash. On to Russia lads!
A cool surprise was Bode Miller. Surprising not that the American was fast, that's expected by this self confessed nutcase. He famously left the mainstream US ski team and has been funding his own tilt for several years. After his disaster that was Salt Lake City, the US coaches wanted to bar him from, wait for it, partying! Miller wanted nothing of that. He has only recently re-joined the US Ski Team coaching system.
No, what was surprising was he held onto his often stupid speed that sees him crash more than finish. But its the Olympics, and he had the last laugh taking out Bronze .09sec off the pace and one would assume sticking a piece of bronze in an uncomfortable dark place of US skiing in the process.

ALBERTO "LA BOMBA" TOMBA SAYS - "Finally de man gets to ski de shuss and show how fast I was-a 20 years agos. Even see ambulanza man was faster than see ski-ers!!......che?....oh he iza from Swisserlanda? Vai fungulo amico!!"

Men's Boardercross.

Well lets be frank, from an Australian point of view, it was a disappointment. These happen a lot in boardercross. Everyone knows being fastest means nothing if you can't finish. There is no other sport where Ricky Bobby could be so right in saying if you ain't first you're last.

Alex "Chumpy" Pullen lived up to his nickname and came a-cropper in the first round to miss out after qualifying first. Damon Hayler crashed in the third round in second place and needing only to stay upright. He was cruelly tripped up by a leprechaun hiding in the snow.

Alex "chumpy" Pullin - Not feeling so radical now..........

American Seth Wescott went on to win his second Olympic gold in only the event's second running in an Olympics, taking the first tournament in Turin as well. Second was taken cruelly by Canadian Mike Robertson after he was clearly in the lead after two thirds of the course. But Robertson was too cute and conservative for the remainder of the course, allowing Wescott to blaze past and steal the show from the Canadians at Cypress Mountain yet again.

Figure Skating

Yes...ok...I'll write about it........It was the medal round of the Pairs today so I guess it should be noted. It was one two'ed by the Chinese with third taken by a couple of Cossacks. The evening was highlighted by a decidedly scripted celebration cued only by the coaches telling the winning pair. They would have put Dale Begg-Smith to shame as their scores were read out. The female was suitably excited when prompted but the best fake celebration ever goes to the male partner. The best he could muster was some understated "ahhh's" while hugging his partner at forearms length combined with an overly affectionate distant stare to the other side of the auditorium. These two are also married, and the romance was there for all to see.

And finally a dishonourable mention goes to television idiot Eddie McGuire. While interviewing "chumpy" Pullin this evening the clown also announced the winner of the tournament after only the second round. Channel nine went on to show the rest of the competition, but not before Ed the idiot had told the nation who had won that hadn't watched it live this morning. A sure fire ratings winner that, nice one s#!t for brains.

Also if you get the chance check out Bryan Adams at his vocal best. He totally muffed his lip synch cue in the opening ceremony while in close-up frame. There are no vids yet. Matter of time.

Peace out.

Wazza Frompetersham.

Let's Slide

WINTER OLYMPICS 2010

By virtue of the surfaces competed on and the skin colour of the majority of its participants, the Winter Olympics are the whitest sporting event in the world. But despite the lack of intercontinental participation and the fact that most competitors are rich kids from northern hemisphere snow towns, I actually quite like some of the events.

In the past i have marvelled at lunatic skiers like Hermann ‘the herminator’ Maier hurtling themselves down a hill at super sonic speeds. I loved Alberto ‘la bomba’ Tomba who made such awesome statements as 'I really lack the words to compliment myself today' while wiggling his humble bum to slalom gold. And i remember Katarina Witt's domination in winning the 1988 figure skating gold medal among the television commentators superlatives and my fathers amorous sighs.

Sadly those days have past. The great characters seem to have moved on. Now all I have left to cheer is a dot com millionaire from Vancouver competing for a country whose populations only real interest in snow sports comes as an excuse to participate in ‘apres’ activities (i.e. get drunk and screw). Surely there are more things to look forward to at this years gelid games? So due to my obvious lack of winter sports knowledge i recruited one of the most respected (and irreverent) winter games correspondents in the inner west of Sydney, Australia.

Waz, its all yours.

Kurtis J Ousley

STOP KEYBOARD: dot com Canadian wins Silver medal for Australia. Congrats Begg-Smithy. Played Hard, Done Good!

My name is Wazza...

I have been a snow sports enthusiast since the 1995 Cronulla - Caringbah under 15's rugby league team decided to look for another winter sport they could try. Finishing last in the comp was wearing thin after 3 seasons so we decided to move onto more frozen pursuits figuring we'd be better if the opposition didn't move. With my Milo diploma in wedge turns achieved through the world renowned Smiggins Holes Teen Club, I was well on my way to climbing the dizzying heights of Australian skiing. That being 200m up the hill at the top of Harry's and Herman's ski carpet.

The flats of Smiggins Holes and Thredbo's Friday Flat are a hotbed for unskilled university labour polishing up drinking skills before their unique self discovery trip to the host mountain of the 2010 Olympics: Whistler, Blackcomb. Whistler is the third most populated Australian city in the world and as a result is where i chose to hone my snow skills and gained my professional qualifications (2 seasons in Banff as a Level 2 ski Instructor with majors in womanising, high alcohol drinks mismanagement and spa/sauna operation). These achievements make me an obvious and proud choice as Played Hard, Done Good! correspondent for the Winter Olympic Games of 2010.

Wazza from Petersham

2010 Winter Games Correspondent

Let the games begin.

Right..now i've had my petersham charcoal chicken burger...with chilli and cheese thank you very much...here's what's happened on day 1.

FIRST BLOOD TO SWISS FOR VANCOUVER 2010!

Normal Hill Ski Jump

The swiss air force have opened their account in Vancouver by ironically firing the first bullet. The bullet was in the form of Swiss legend Simon Ammann winning his third Olympic gold medal today at the Normal Hill.

"I just knew I could do it if I was calm and relaxed - which I was" explained the 28 year old with gratuitous over confidence typical of his country.

Ammann claimed the title with a best jump of 108m to total 276.5 total points and relegate Air Gdansk, Pole Adam Malysz to second with a best of 105.5m and a total of 269.5 points. Third was a typically boring Austrian Gergor Schlierenzauer with a typically boring 101.5m first leap before he got excited to be there and posted a second jump of 106.5 to make everyone think what could have been.

Points are gained over two jumps to decide the winner.

Honourable mention goes to the Finn Janne Ahonen for pulling himself out of retirement to compete and attempt the same Finnish fairy tale as Jani Soininen in Nagano 1998, but it was not to be as he flailed away to finish a disappointing for him fourth place. If four time Olympic champion Matti Nykanen is anything to go by Janne's wife should be very worried.

Unsurprisingly the top 10 was completely made up of Europeans. The Japanese have snuck in there before but on this occasion they could only muster 15th with Daiki Ito. Still a sterling effort with a ridiculous display of Japanese consistency with two jumps of 100m and 100.5m. But the consistency award goes to Slovakian Primoz Pikl with a consistently average 97.5m for both jumps to finish 24th in a field of 50.

Men's 5000m long-track Speed skating:

Not since the great man Johan Olav "the Boss" Koss decimated all before him in the epic Olympic Games of Lillehammer 1994 has anyone completely dominated the ice. It could happen this time around but we may not see the massive records of Koss. Redemption is sweet for any athlete but more so if your name is Sven Kramer and you have been the darling from a speed skating rich country like Der Nederlanden for 10 years. The current world champ in 5k was narrowly beaten in Turin 2006 while defending his Nagano title so the Dutchman had a score to settle in Vancouver. He did so today at the expense of South Korea by relegating Lee Seung-Hoon by 2.35sec, posting an Olympic record along the way. A sneaky cossack got the bronze.

JOHANN OLAV "THE BOSS" KOSS SAYS: 5k speedskate goooood starrrrtt!!!!!! gooo oooo OOO gloop oo GLOOPPLOPP OOPP KOOLP BLOOOB OOLLOOBBIC SSHHAAMMBIONNNN GOOD SKATING YAAAAAAHH!

In case you are wondering see Johann's "english" commentary at Nagano if you can. I will not ask The Boss again about speed skating.

Women's Super Combined Alpine Skiing.

Unfortunately the super combined has been postponed as the unseasonably warm weather continues in Whistler causing the lower slopes to be a little sketchy. While it is still quite cold, you need to understand what the elite racers ski on to do what they do. The course for a start is not technically snow. The course technicians (yes they exist in this title) actually go up the slope drilling "cores". Next they inject water into the course through these cores, essentially binding the snow together and forming what can only be described as ice all the way from top to bottom. The cumulative effect of going from injected race course at 130km/h to a softened course at the base of the hill is much like locking the brakes on a F1 car at full pelt.....quite catastrophic.

Still it gives the USA's Lindsay Vonn more time to heal her badly bruised shin, also known in the ski world as shin-bang as she looks to win three Olympic golds at on games.

ALBERTO "LA BOMBA" TOMBA SAYS: (lots of hand gestures) 'It giva the Lindsay Vonn time-er to get ridda de carpet "bruise-a" on her shin I give-a her. Of course-a I gave up de ski-ing to notta have dese problems-a no more myself when I get zem!'

.........Lindsay?

Alberto will drop by time to time to offer insights when I can drag him from the bar of Whistler's Creekside Lodge.

Biathlon - womens 7.5km

Slovakian Anastasia Kuzmina won the 7.5km biathlon, proving that not all sports get better when they are shortened.

Men's 1500m and Womens 500m Short Track Speed Skating.

Tatiana Boroudulina got pipped in the heats. Not to worry it's not her pet event. But it makes the clown who made a triple treat medal prediction look pretty dumb.

In the men's Apolo Anton "oh yes" Ohno got himself silver today after a monumental stuff up in the last 20m by South Korea. They had a clean sweep in the bag before 2nd place got greedy. The end result being the USA taking out the minor placings. Good thing the Koreans aren't from the North!

So that was the best of Day 1. Perhaps the saddest thing is that the Canadians have still not been able to crack it for a win on home soil at an Olympics despite a massive chance not coming to be at the women's moguls.

Wazza